Because Vivian and I are on opposite coasts most of the time, we don't get to share meals very often. (We do however keep each other updated on our current and upcoming meals to a potentially weird extent.) When Vivian came home for a couple of weeks in June, we were finally able to meet up and share a meal at Father's Office. Unfortunately, that meal was balls.
Frankly, we don't get it. Aside from the overly caramelized onions, the burger was bland. Not only was the patty conspicuously non-beefy, the texture was mushy and unappealing. For us, burgers are all about the beef, and no magical combination of toppings could make up for FO's bland, mushy patty.
Combine a mediocre burger with an unnecessarily adversarial seating situation and a pretentious attitude about condiments, and you get an extremely flattering picture capturing our delight at the experience and a gchat convo full of righteous anger. Check it out after the jump for Vivian's take and for our hourlong fight for a table, won in the end by awkwardness.
Vivian: it seems like we're the only two people who didn't like it
i mean, i wish i could blame it on hype?
Andi: yeah! what is up with that!
Vivian: but i mean, it's a WHATEVER burger
i mean, you're really going to pass that beef off as a decent patty?
Andi: not only do people like it but they're like "it's one of the BEST BURGERS EVER"
and i'm kind of sad, like i don't want to miss out on one of the best burgers ever
Vivian: really? I DON'T GET IT
Andi: but i just wasn't into it
Vivian: i wish i could say that it was one of the better burgers i've had
Andi: it's average yo
Vivian: yeah like i don't want to feel like i'm ~missing out~ either
Andi: i would like the beef to be the main source of flavor of a burger.
the burger needs to revolve around the beef
and not "and also there's beef in this burger"
Andi: "here is a meat disc to accompany your caramelized onions"
the meat was an afterthought
Andi: i actually didn't hate the toppings as much as you did. i'm ok with it, but it only works if the beef has a strong enough flavor to stand on its own
Vivian: to their overly burnt carmelized onions
Andi: what is this magical sandwich that everyone else ate
i want to eat it
Vivian: i wonder if that's why they serve loads of beer with it
so you are hoodwinked
Andi: also like, i get that when the office burger first came out the caramelized onion, gruyere, arugula combo was new and has since been copied a lot
but that is not so like mindblowingly original that you can be such pretentious fucks about ketchup
it's not like you added foie gras
and you didn't want to destroy the integrity of the foie gras
by adding mediocre ketchup
Andi: or ketchup for the fries
b/c their garlic aioli is just sooooo amazing
Vivian: that garlic aioli was the highlight for me, for sure
i mean yeah it's good
but wtf it's a burger
Vivian: DID YOU COOK IT WITH TRUFFLE OIL
Andi: it was just very average.
like on a par with some of my worse experiences at the counter, which had the same problem of bland mushy beef.
and not good enough to put up with that whole no-host bullshit
and the douchey vibe
Vivian: I really just can't get over the whole beef thing
and having to pit us with other customers to grab a seat
fight to the (awkward) death
Andi: yeah everyone becomes your adversary
if you don't act like a dick, guess what you're going to be waiting for a table for 45 minutes
Vivian: i mean, you were there at 7.15 and i got there 15 minutes later
and then we didn't get a table until...8.30
and that was after outawkwarding a couple
Andi: yeah the only reason we even got a table
is because we sat down and had an awkwardness standoff with that couple on a date
Vivian: hey peeps on a date SORRY THAT WE ALSO WANT THIS TABLE
WE WILL JUST AWKWARDLY AVOID EYE CONTACT UNTIL YOU LEAVE
Andi: that was probably the most awkward experience i've ever had in a restaurant
like both of us sitting down
"so...we're doing this now?"
Vivian: i wanted to die a million soul deaths
Andi: i literally shielded my face from the awkwardness
and the thing is while i felt bad for jacking their table, the competitiveness also made me like "well FUCK THEM and their new love"
this is a table for 6! you are two people! gtfo!
Vivian: AND you're not getting food
Andi: i became a dick and for what purpose, vivian
Vivian: we becamemonsters
for the sake
all because they won't hire a host
due to pretentiousness
Andi: when i went to close out my tab, the bartender was pretty nice
"hi andrea, how was it?"
"not gonna lie, guy, it's pretty dumb here"
and he was like "...yeah.... it's... very...survival of the fittest"
Vivian: they are so patting themselves on the back
'look what we have made these people do!'
Andi: hahahaha laughing with power
laughing at the poor people mad dogging each other
Andi: and the bread, what.
i don't understand the use of french rolls if it isn't 1. homemade-tasting/fresh; 2. doesn't soak up any of the flavors
it just...sits there
Andi: i mean…it's inoffensive i guess
it just doesn't add anything
the bread by itself wasn't good
i had some extra
Vivian: me too
Andi: just blerg all around
Vivian: look on the bright side, andi
we never have ot go back
Andi: yeah that is the only reason i'm glad we ate there instead of leaving is so that i don't have to go back
Vivian: yeah totally.
hey do you want to go to father's office?
Andi: no, that place can suck a million dicks
Vivian: it can keep sucking after a million
and i won't stop it
On a final, less angry note, FO doesn't seem like a bad place to grab a drink. But as far as pricy, fancy-ish burgers you can get in a bar go, I say get The Glutster burger at Biergarten in Koreatown instead.