Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Father's Office can S a million D's [Culver City]

Because Vivian and I are on opposite coasts most of the time, we don't get to share meals very often. (We do however keep each other updated on our current and upcoming meals to a potentially weird extent.) When Vivian came home for a couple of weeks in June, we were finally able to meet up and share a meal at Father's Office. Unfortunately, that meal was balls.

Frankly, we don't get it. Aside from the overly caramelized onions, the burger was bland. Not only was the patty conspicuously non-beefy, the texture was mushy and unappealing. For us, burgers are all about the beef, and no magical combination of toppings could make up for FO's bland, mushy patty.

Combine a mediocre burger with an unnecessarily adversarial seating situation and a pretentious attitude about condiments, and you get an extremely flattering picture capturing our delight at the experience and a gchat convo full of righteous anger. Check it out after the jump for Vivian's take and for our hourlong fight for a table, won in the end by awkwardness.

Vivian: it seems like we're the only two people who didn't like it
i mean, i wish i could blame it on hype?

Andi: yeah! what is up with that!

Vivian: but i mean, it's a WHATEVER burger
i mean, you're really going to pass that beef off as a decent patty?

Andi: not only do people like it but they're like "it's one of the BEST BURGERS EVER"
and i'm kind of sad, like i don't want to miss out on one of the best burgers ever

Vivian: really? I DON'T GET IT

Andi: but i just wasn't into it

Vivian: i wish i could say that it was one of the better burgers i've had

Andi: it's average yo

Vivian: yeah like i don't want to feel like i'm ~missing out~ either
i mean
that beef

Andi: i would like the beef to be the main source of flavor of a burger.

Vivian: YES
the burger needs to revolve around the beef
and not "and also there's beef in this burger"

Andi: "here is a meat disc to accompany your caramelized onions"

Vivian: seriously
the meat was an afterthought

Andi: i actually didn't hate the toppings as much as you did. i'm ok with it, but it only works if the beef has a strong enough flavor to stand on its own

Vivian: to their overly burnt carmelized onions

Andi: what is this magical sandwich that everyone else ate
i want to eat it

Vivian: i wonder if that's why they serve loads of beer with it
so you are hoodwinked

Andi: also like, i get that when the office burger first came out the caramelized onion, gruyere, arugula combo was new and has since been copied a lot
but that is not so like mindblowingly original that you can be such pretentious fucks about ketchup

Vivian: seriously
it's not like you added foie gras
and you didn't want to destroy the integrity of the foie gras
by adding mediocre ketchup

Andi: or ketchup for the fries
b/c their garlic aioli is just sooooo amazing

Vivian: that garlic aioli was the highlight for me, for sure

i mean yeah it's good
but wtf it's a burger
and fries


Andi: it was just very average.
like on a par with some of my worse experiences at the counter, which had the same problem of bland mushy beef.
and not good enough to put up with that whole no-host bullshit
and the douchey vibe

Vivian: I really just can't get over the whole beef thing
and having to pit us with other customers to grab a seat
fight to the (awkward) death

Andi: yeah everyone becomes your adversary
if you don't act like a dick, guess what you're going to be waiting for a table for 45 minutes

Vivian: i mean, you were there at 7.15 and i got there 15 minutes later
and then we didn't get a table until...8.30
and that was after outawkwarding a couple

Andi: yeah the only reason we even got a table
is because we sat down and had an awkwardness standoff with that couple on a date

Vivian: hey peeps on a date SORRY THAT WE ALSO WANT THIS TABLE

Andi: that was probably the most awkward experience i've ever had in a restaurant
like both of us sitting down
"so...we're doing this now?"

Vivian: i wanted to die a million soul deaths

Andi: i literally shielded my face from the awkwardness
and the thing is while i felt bad for jacking their table, the competitiveness also made me like "well FUCK THEM and their new love"
this is a table for 6! you are two people! gtfo!

Vivian: AND you're not getting food

Andi: i became a dick and for what purpose, vivian

Vivian: we becamemonsters
for the sake
mediocre beef
all because they won't hire a host
due to pretentiousness

Andi: when i went to close out my tab, the bartender was pretty nice
"hi andrea, how was it?"
"not gonna lie, guy, it's pretty dumb here"
and he was like "...yeah.... it's... very...survival of the fittest"
all apologetically

Vivian: they are so patting themselves on the back
'look what we have made these people do!'

Andi: hahahaha laughing with power
laughing at the poor people mad dogging each other

Vivian: ugh

Andi: and the bread, what.

Vivian: omg
i don't understand the use of french rolls if it isn't 1. homemade-tasting/fresh; 2. doesn't soak up any of the flavors
it just...sits there

Andi: i mean…it's inoffensive i guess
it just doesn't add anything
the bread by itself wasn't good
i had some extra

Vivian: me too

Andi: just blerg all around

Vivian: look on the bright side, andi
we never have ot go back

Andi: yeah that is the only reason i'm glad we ate there instead of leaving is so that i don't have to go back

Vivian: yeah totally.
hey do you want to go to father's office?

Andi: no, that place can suck a million dicks

Vivian: it can keep sucking after a million
and i won't stop it

Andi: hahaha

On a final, less angry note, FO doesn't seem like a bad place to grab a drink. But as far as pricy, fancy-ish burgers you can get in a bar go, I say get The Glutster burger at Biergarten in Koreatown instead.

1 comment:

Samra said...

I'm glad you guys suffered through this ordeal, if only for the sake of having the best gchat conversation of all time. I DIED.